


Everything and Nothing

by IWasAlwaysDead



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Bittersweet, Fluff and Smut, L Has Feelings (Death Note), M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:49:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27262264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWasAlwaysDead/pseuds/IWasAlwaysDead
Summary: I'm honestly struggling to describe this fic. I know, weird. I'll probably edit this after I've had more coffee haha!L has a special power that has plagued him all his life. The only one seemingly immune to it is Light. This brings the two of them together.
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Comments: 86
Kudos: 63





	1. I'm Glad You're Okay

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't been updating! I have so many unanswered comments in my inbox 😭😭. I totaled my car in a really bad accident and sustained a concussion. I just haven't been right. I already have a TBI, so when I get a concussion, the symptoms are amplified a bit. It was all i could do to focus on work, much less update. 
> 
> I was feeling overwhelmed trying to remember where I left off with the other two fics. Things got complicated in my head and then I got confused. So, I've distracted myself with a new idea I'm really excited about! This one will be more like the typical drama filled angst you're used to seeing from me. I do think it'll be worth reading though because I don't know that anyone has written this concept before. Maybe they have, idk. Let me know!
> 
> Anyway, I'm getting back to normal-ish now and will hopefully update and reply to comments very soon. I apologize for just disappearing, you guys. I'm really sorry.

“I'm glad you're okay.” The words were sincere as they drifted forth from a mouth wrought with worry not ten minutes prior. He shifted on his feet, wishing to lift his hands and embrace L, holding him mightily against his chest as he squeezed from L every drop of relief. Light Yagami was too polite to do such a thing, however. Too polite and perfect. 

  
“As am I,” L stated plainly, a dullness to him that spoke of excessive fatigue. Pressing a finger to his bottom lip, his eyes darted downward. It wasn't that he didn't notice the tension between he and Light. It was that he simply didn't know what to do about it. A life of solitude didn't really lend itself to learning proper social skills. 

  
“Come on, let's go get some cake. I know a great place.” Light was trying to cheer L up, a futile task. Still, it quickened his heart beat a bit to see the sallow man grin slightly up at him from his mildly hunched position as they walked toward the HQ exit. 

  
L was relatively quiet, lost in the comfort of thoughts that weren't intrusive for once. When he looked at Light, he saw his friend, his confidant. He saw a beautiful young man with a charming way about him. Despite being fully aware of the dangers of such attraction, L felt helpless to the pull toward him nonetheless. 

  
The Café itself was boring, with run of the mill people bustling about in all their forgettable ways. Children enjoyed ice cream and middle aged women placed large orders for birthdays that had to be just so while teenagers ogled each other over a milkshake or two. The cake, however, was phenomenal. Even the strawberries seemed hand picked from heaven. L couldn't find a single thing to complain about. Unusual for him. 

  
Light grinned in the wake of his small accomplishment, wondering when the hell L was going to pick up on the fact that he’d been trying to date the man for weeks now. For someone bold enough to make the claim of being the most brilliant mind in the universe, the guy sure was dense. Light sighed over his hazelnut fudge cookie as he crumbled the edges in boredom. L was everything he wanted. Everything he desired. Intelligent, handsome, a total mystery, hard working, ethically compromised. 

  
“Why do you do that?” Light asked, taking notice of the way L avoided looking at any reflective surface at all. He'd not wanted to peer through the glass to pick out ice cream. He looked down upon entering the building because the door was glass. He freaked the fuck out the one time Light wore sun glasses. “Do you not like to look at yourself?”

  
L was always quiet, but there was quiet by nature and then there was becoming quiet while deep in thought. In that moment, L was the latter. He tapped his knee with one hand while the other thumbed his lips. Piercing grey eyes scanned the dull wood table a moment before lifting to meet Light’s unusual, striking gaze. “I've never seen myself,” L confessed simply. “I don't know what I look like.”

  
That was not the answer Light was expecting. Taken aback, Light leaned back in his chair and didn’t hide his surprise. “You don't- excuse me what? How do you brush your hair?”

  
“Do I look like I brush my hair?”

  
“Fair play,” Light was fascinated by this new discovery. It seemed like the more he learned about L, the less he actually knew. “Why though? Why won't you look at yourself?”

  
L's eyes darted across the table again, “I'm afraid of what I'll see.”

  
“Your reflection, obviously,” Light said. “You're not scary looking. Are you afraid you're ugly? Because you're not.”

  
L shot Light a cheeky grin in that moment and that's when Light realized that L had known all along he'd had feelings for the strange detective. _That fucker. Probably just using me for free cake._ Light sighed, “I think you might've hit your head harder than you thought in that car wreck.”

  
“Maybe, “ L shrugged. He wouldn't have wrecked if it weren't for his vision. Everything would've been just fine had he been able to keep from looking anyone else in the eye. Nothing was sacred, no one was safe. Except for one Light Yagami. Allowing himself the pleasure of gazing longingly at Light, L thought, _fuck it._ He was still a man at the end of the day. A man with needs and desires. “Want to go back to my apartment and fuck?”

  
Light nearly fell out of his chair. Cheeks flushed, he looked around the Café to see if anyone had overheard, despite knowing full well that L was quiet enough. 

  
“Well?”

  
Light came to his senses. He needed to act before L changed his mind. “Let's go,” he said as he stood quickly, gunning for the door. 


	2. Dangerous Young Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smoot! Sort of. It's probably the least explicit smut I've ever written 🤷♀️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still having trouble with feeling like I make sense in my writing. Please let me know if this is hard to follow. I guess I banged up my language center in the wreck, idfk. Lol. Halp.

The after glow wasn’t as warm and inviting as Light thought it would be. They'd both walked into L’s oddly decorated apartment that lacked anything reflective at all, stripped, and fucked like animals in heat.

When it was over L remained on his stomach, face smothered in linens as Light laid back and caught his breath. Tan skin glistened with sweat and despite his body heat, he longed to cuddle or have pillow talk or _something_. “Did you use sex with me as a way to avoid talking about your reflection issue?”

  
“Did it work?” Came the muffled response from an unmoving, stark naked L. 

  
Light checked the time. “For about an hour, it did.”

  
L groaned but remained unmoving. 

  
“Aren't you curious to know what you look like?” Light asked, sitting up a bit in the bed. Why he'd imagined L slept upright in a coffin like a vampire and not in a plush, king sized bed was beyond him. His imagination had always been a bit wild. 

  
L propped himself up on an elbow. “Not really,” a sly grin crept across his face. “Why don't you describe me to myself?”

  
Light blushed. _Fucker_. “You’re stunning in an almost hipster, too cool to sleep, mysterious and slightly creepy but hot sort of way.”

  
It was L’s turn to blush. He was hot? _Stunning_? L sat up, cross legged and facing Light. “You used to be better at lying.”

  
“No, L. Perhaps it's the opposite. That I'm so good at it, you can't tell when I'm being truthful.” Light's look was almost hard, but not in an angry way. It was earnest or urgent or something L couldn't quite place. 

  
“Perhaps,” L didn't know what to do with his feelings, his slight embarrassment. It hadn't crossed his mind that getting Light naked would lead Light to feeling like he could be honest for once. L toyed with the sheets beneath him as he stared at his legs. So lost in his own emotions and swirling thoughts was he that it nearly surprised him when a warm hand cupped his face and turned it. 

  
“You'll never believe me,” Light said, eyes alight with a tender flame that L was unfamiliar with. “But I'll never stop trying to convince you.”

  
L knew it was stupid to reply, “I know,” but he said it before his brain could catch up. 

  
Light simply snickered before planting a kiss to unprepared lips. L didn't want to like it. He didn't want to feel that pull, that desire for more. It didn't matter what the logical side of him wanted, however. The emotional side joined forces with his hormonal side and tag teamed a hostile takeover of his brain. 

  
Light laughed into the kiss as L plunged forward and tackled Light onto the bed. Deepening the kiss, L could sense Light's surprised delight when he plunged his tongue inside Light's mouth. With relentless passion, L continued kissing Light nearly beyond the ability to breathe as he thrust his returning erection upon Light's. 

  
_He might get two hours of silence out of me this time._

  
This time the after glow was warmer. This time L slept soundly in Light's arms as Light breathed in the scent of the strange detective he'd earlier claimed. Hope that time would slow down so the moment didn't pass gave way to the acceptance of reality as the first bit of sunlight peaked through the window curtains. Light had just barely fallen asleep when L stirred and yawned, reluctant to leave the warmth he found himself wrapped in. 

  
He didn't care that this was a dangerous game anymore. L had been bitten by the viper and found he rather liked its poison. Watari would have his head, but then again when was he not a thorn in the old man's side? No poor personal decision L could make would surprise him. While it was in complete contrast to how carefully he navigated the most dangerous cases, his Achilles heel would always be savage young men named Light Yagami. 

  
L would be in the kitchen sipping coffee, standing in his boxers and staring at the wall when Light walked in with a yawn. “Good morning.”

  
“Indeed,” L smiled over the lip of his mug as he sipped and took in Light's tanned perfection. An involuntary shiver ran through his system as his body recalled the atrocities it had endured during the night. 

  
As Light closed the space between them, it became clear that L’s body hoped to endure even more atrocities at the hands which groped him. His skin pricked at Light's touch, closing his eyes when lips met his and warm skin pressed against his body. Yes, dangerous young men named Light Yagami might always be the death of him. 


	3. Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L tells Light everything

Perhaps it was a remnant of Light's youth peaking through his outwardly grown up appearance that asked the question. Perhaps it was inexperience, though the multitude of women he'd serial dated rivaled the number of his serial kills. It could've been the fact that it was L, the L, and not some big titted, blond bimbo he secretly loathed. Whatever it was, it caused his mouth to put words to his insecurity in a simple question. “What are we?”

  
“Detective and suspect disguised as work colleagues. You know that.” L had answered quickly, without further thought or a glance up at Light from his computer. It wasn't until Light walked away, the rage permeating the air around where he once stood that L looked up. “Huh?” The dense detective swiveled in his chair and stood as the door to the HQ break room slammed shut. 

  
A few eyes glanced over, but the task force had long ago resigned themselves to the fact that L and Light would eventually fuck or kill each other. In fact, bets had been placed long ago, Souichiro none the wiser, of course. Aizawa cleared his throat and Matsuda regained his focus. Mogi had not budged. 

  
The break room door swung open to find Light angrily stirring a cup of coffee on the counter, spilling a bit, swearing under his breath, then cleaning it up. L couldn't help the small laugh that escaped him, though he regretted it when Light turned daggers toward him instead of eyes. 

  
“Please don't look at me like that,” L pleaded, the request far more needy than he'd intended. He couldn't bare for Light to show anger or hatred toward him. Light was the only person whose eyes he could look into and see the emotion reflected back to him instead of nightmares. Didn't Light understand that? Light was proof of a God in so many ways, and perhaps there was a God out there gifting the world's most beautiful man to him. The most beautiful eyes just so happened to be the only ones he could actually see. “I can't stand it. Please.”

  
Light's face immediately softened at the plea. L had never been vulnerable, not once. Not even while Light was balls deep in his ass pounding out screams at an octave he didn't think the man was capable of reaching. Leaving his coffee behind, Light stepped over to L and gently squeezed his upper arm. It was innocent enough that if someone walked in, they wouldn't seem suspicious, but intimate enough for L to feel reassured. “Talk to me.”

  
“Not here,” L’s eyes darted toward the door, knowing they were under surveillance that Watari would surely review later. “Lunch break?”

  
Light dropped his arm, smile crooked, “Sure.”

  
They would eat fast food burgers in a rental car that Light drove because that was the only way to obtain real privacy. L swallowed the bite that took him midway through the burger and paused in thought. “I don't think I understood what you meant when you asked what we are. I've never had a relationship with anyone besides Watari. I've never been in love before. I've never done this.” 

  
Light didn't ask L to look at him as he explained. He knew the man couldn't. “Are you in love now?”

  
L closed his eyes a moment, “I don't know.”

  
The words didn't hurt Light like he thought they might. It seemed reasonable to him that L wouldn't be able to accurately identify the emotion. He reached for L’s hand and squeezed it gently. “That's okay.”

  
L looked at Light crookedly, relief written across his tired face. He wasn't used to feeling overwhelmed, but Light overwhelmed him often. The only person who'd ever seen him cry was Watari. The only person who’d ever known his secrets was Watari. His world was about to expand, and he breathed deep as he prepared to explain. “When I was born, the only time my parents said I didn't cry was when I was asleep or in the dark. They said they noticed I shook and looked horrified if I saw their faces, so they began covering up. When I was old enough to speak, I began seeing a psychologist. I wound up seeing many doctors. I was even institutionalized for a short while. They tried to force me to look into a mirror, but I refused. They even pried open my eyes forcefully and strapped me down, but I blurred my vision. I nearly stabbed out my own eyes. My family abandoned me. That's when Watari stepped in. He believed me straight away.”

  
Light gave L an encouraging squeeze of the hand he held and quietly encouraged him to continue. L mustered up his courage, part of him afraid that Light wouldn't believe him and the other part figuring he would. Kira knew of supernatural things, right? He couldn't be hard to convince. 

  
“When I look at people, their faces are blank. It's like someone tried to poorly erase them. People who are destined to die a horrible death, however, are the ones that haunt me. I see it. I feel it. I experience it every time I look into their eyes. Or rather, when I look at the space where their eyes should be.”

  
 _Holy shit_. “But you see me?” Light asked, both horrified and flattered. 

  
“Yes. You're the only one I ever have. You're the only person I have ever met whose death is a complete mystery to me.”

  
“Besides your own,” Light said. It made sense now why L didn't want to see himself. 

  
“Yes, besides my own.”

  
“I'm so sorry, L. I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. I can't begin to imagine what it’s been like.” Light's words dripped with a sincerity unfamiliar to them both. In that moment, Light became the second person to ever see L cry. “L! Your tears!”

  
“What about them?” L sniffled, embarrassed. 

  
“They're black.”


	4. Into the Fold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light make their relationship official.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are making me feel so encouraged to write. Thank you!

That lunch in the car would be a turning point for both Light and L. In each other they seemed to have found what it was they had been looking for. L was no stranger to death, having been plagued by it his whole life, and his plight moved Light. If killing meant causing pain to L, Light didn't want to kill anymore. 

  
“Actually,” L started to think out loud as he signed his letter of resignation and handed it to Watari. “You could keep killing. If it were merciful, why not? You could prevent so many from succumbing to an excruciating death.”

  
Watari wanted to disapprove, but he couldn't. Not if the idea helped ease the suffering of the man he considered his son. It didn't necessarily stop Kira, but the redirection was a good one. He could cause people to die peacefully in their sleep who would otherwise die in a horrific accident or be raped, tortured, and eventually murdered. L had become an investigator to try and help these victims in his mind, but it was to no avail. He couldn't solve a crime that hadn’t happened yet. Besides, he only ever saw the victim, never the perpetrator. 

Light bowed his head respectfully to Watari as he handed in his letter as well. He and L would be leaving the task force and Japan for good. L had confessed to his transgression of sleeping with his suspect and promptly removed himself and Light both from the case. Souichiro was both horrified and relieved, having assumed his son was straight as well as innocent. It was amusing to L to know that Light was neither. L silently wondered if Souichiro finding out Light was Kira would have affected him less than finding out he was gay. At least it would've been news he had time to prepare for. 

  
The rest of the task force was a mix of indifference and confusion. At the end of the day, however, they figured Light and L deserved happiness and agreed to pursue the leads L gave them. Little did they know the leads would all be frustratingly long roads to nowhere. 

  
Light took L's hand and smiled softly at him. It didn't feel awkward to kiss his forehead in front of Watari. The old man had been more supportive of their relationship than either thought he would be. He'd noticed a stark improvement in L’s mental health and attributed it to being with Light. Despite Light being perhaps the most notorious serial killer in history, he was given a pass because of the way he loved L. Perhaps it was selfish of the old man to give Light a pass, but he couldn't refute the positive changes in his son. Besides, what was an old man to do? Arrest Kira and sentence L to a life of misery? That is, if L continued to live at all. Watari shivered at the thought. At the memories. 

  
Light ran fingers gently through messy black hair. “I'll only do it if it helps you. If it doesn't help you, I'm going to stop.”

  
L nodded, folding himself into Light’s warmth and closing his eyes. Light was hope in a hopeless place. A lit path cutting through the darkness. Watari and Light exchanged looks, and Light knew in that moment the responsibility for L had been passed on to him. 

  
When L loosened his grip on Light, he turned to Watari and hugged him as well. “See you in London in a few weeks.”

  
“Behave yourself until then,” Watari gently commanded. 

  
L grinned, a devilishly innocent thing, “Never.”

  
The two said their goodbyes to the task force, grabbed their bags, and headed to one last stop before the air port. Dinner with the Yagami’s would be simple and accommodating. Everyone knew to wear non reflective sunglasses and hats, having been informed of L’s _condition_ ahead of time. It didn't stop him from being nervous, and L wondered how much of that feeling was lack of experience with people and how much was normal. 

  
Holding Light’s hand was a comfort, and much of the stress and anxiety melted away when the front door opened to a warm, inviting house and loving words from a softly spoken Sachiko. Sayu was just young enough to hug the awkward detective without asking if it was okay. He stiffened at first, then relaxed when he looked to Light for guidance and saw nothing but warmth reflected there. Souichiro shook his hand, and they all made their way into the dining room where a hot, home cooked meal awaited them. The scent of it lingering in the air testified well to the way it tasted. 

  
For the first time in his life, L got to participate in a family meal. Even though the only face he could truly see was Light’s, he knew the others were smiling, lovingly accepting him into the fold. It was then that L realized he'd fallen in love, and there were no doubts in his mind about the wonderful way it felt or how much he wanted to remain in that love for the rest of his life. 


	5. Strawberries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light and L settle into life together

Domesticity was a strange look on the lowly detective, but Light blended in like the chameleon he was. Baking pies and cakes and all sorts of treats became a favorite pass time of his when he discovered L’s outrageous sweet tooth. The world wondered what happened to Kira, and conspiracy theorists wondered if L and Kira were a dog chasing its tail all along. Little did the broadcasters all across the world know that Kira was busy pulling a cherry pie from the oven to please a man he once wanted dead. 

  
“Oh, it looks so good,” L mused, barely contained excitement bubbling up as he practically danced in his chair. “Does it really have to cool? Why can't we eat it now?”

  
“Because it'll fall apart and not taste right. You can wait twenty minutes.” Light said with faux consternation as he placed the perfect pie on the stove top. 

  
“I hate waiting,” L grumbled like a child, arms crossed and pouting.

  
“I know something that can pass the time,” Light had pulled off his apron and oven mitts, setting them on the granite counter top. His come hither eyes beckoned L to their bedroom as he made his way out of the kitchen. 

  
“You always have the best ideas,” L said as he jumped from his chair and chased after his lover.

  
Their love making had slowed down from animalistic fucking in an almost panic stricken frenzy to something far more intimate and loving. It wasn't about the high, the release. It evolved into a slow, sensual exploration of their love. A deepening of their bond. An expression of their raw emotions. 

  
Light’s fingers streamed through dark hair as he kissed the lips of his lover beneath him on the bed. Their bodies rocked together, connected by something spiritual and untouchable. “I love you,” warm, sweet breath whispered as Light pulled his head back just enough to study L’s face. 

  
He felt enraptured by Light's very presence. By the warmth of his body, by Light's invasion of his own. The way those eyes reflected every word he spoke had L entranced. It didn't matter that these were the only eyes he could see. They were the only eyes he needed to. 

  
Black tears stained the sheets below as their bodies rocked. “I love you too,” L said, his throat tight and heavy with the burden of containing his emotions. There would never be a day in his life that he lived without Light. He just knew, after finding a love so true, so deep, that he couldn't return to the way things were before. Wherever Light would go, he'd follow. Even to the grave. 

  
They held each other in the after glow just long enough to catch their breaths. “I bet the pie is cool by now,” Light reminded. 

  
L groaned and nuzzled into Light’s chest, eyes closed. No silly pie could compare to that moment. Nothing ever could. “Would you believe me if I told you I forgot all about it?”

  
The “No,” was laced with a laugh. “But the sentiment is flattering.”

  
L kissed the spot of skin beneath where he lay. He made no further move, soaking up the glorious rise and fall of Light's chest as he listened intently to that beating heart within. Maybe if he laid there long enough, Light would believe him. 

  
Eventually they'd leave the bed. Thirst and hunger outweighed the need for togetherness temporarily. The pie was amazing. A far second to sex in L’s book. 

  
“When do you think you'll be ready to go through with the plan?” Light asked as he slid another piece of pie in front of L.

  
“Soon. We are going to need help, but you aren't going to like who we need to help us,” L explained between bites.

  
Light simply crossed his arms and waited for L to tell him. He knew better than to let L tease him for anxiously wanting to know. Fingers tapped his arm as Light leaned back in his chair, prepared to sit in silence for however long this took. 

  
“You're no fun,” L huffed. “We need Beyond.”

  
Light lurched forward in his chair, far more shocked looking than he'd intended to let on. “Have you lost your mind?”

  
L frowned. “The short answer is probably yes. But we would need to decide if I had a mind to begin with.”

  
“This isn't funny!”

  
“I'm not laughing.” L drew in a deep breath as he pushed his cleaned plate away from himself. “I know what happens to the victim. I know a face. I know a name. I do not know when. Without him, we could be killing people decades before they need to die.”

  
Light sighed and rubbed his face, elbows on his knees as he sat at their table and contemplated the consequences of this decision. “Why would he cooperate? Are you going to offer him freedom?”

  
“Better accommodations, at the very least. And I figured he'd probably like to be a part of killing people again.” L shrugged nonchalantly as he explained his plan. 

  
Learning back in his chair, Light gave in. There wasn't another option. Standing, he walked toward the fridge and opened it, pulling out a carton of fresh strawberries they'd gotten at the farmers market just the day before. 

  
L quicker a brow as his index finger pressed into his bottom lip. “What-a…whatcha doing with the strawberries?”

  
Without looking up at L, Light began to rinse and dry them, then took a knife to chop them up. “You once told me he had an obsession with strawberry jam and shortbread cookies. I'm making a peace offering to bring him.”

  
L worried his lip and stiffened in his chair. “You aren't going to use _all_ the strawberries, are you?”

  
“I am.”

  
L practically melted from his chair into a puddle on the ground. This was such an injustice! Those strawberries were his! L couldn't see it from where he pouted on the floor, but Light began to snicker a bit under his breath. _Serves you right_ , he thought. 


	6. Beyond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys talk with Beyond

It was easy to avoid looking at people with his eyes glued to the delicious looking gift Light carried. L hardly noticed anything else as he pouted about how Light wouldn't even let him taste test the cookies and jam. “Such fucking injustice!” He had complained, much to Light's amusement. 

  
Passing through security was both eternal and boring. Light was certain he'd never done so much waiting around in all his life. It was hallways and metal detectors and an elevator which brought them to a secret bunker below ground. From there it was more hallways and metal detectors and security guards. 

  
Eventually they came to what was essentially a large plexiglass cage. Inside was a small bed with white bedding, a white carpet, white toilet and sink and shower. In the center of it, sitting cross legged on the floor, facing away from them, wearing an oversized white sweat shirt and pants, was the one they came to see. His dark hair was matted and he rocked back and forth slightly, mumbling to himself. 

  
“B?” L asked, his voice echoing in the large room. Quickening his pace, L only halted when he was up against the wall of Beyond’s cell.

  
The rocking and mumbling stopped and for a moment it was silent in the cold room. Not even the guards could be heard breathing. “L?” Came the scratchy whisper. Beyond stood, but didn’t turn around. “I know it's better if I don't look at you.” His voice sounded weak, hollow. It wasn't the robust, slightly raspy sound L had become so accustomed to. 

  
L smiled weakly. Why Beyond still cared after all this time, he'd never know. “I brought someone I would like you to meet.”

  
“Divert your eyes then, I'm turning around.”  
L did so by looking back at Light, who stood behind him. The rustling of chains and soft padding of feet was somehow torturous to hear. It sounded like a struggle to lug himself to where they stood. Light's expression changed as Beyond came into view, and he couldn't hide his shock. “He- he looks like you.”

  
L smirked. He'd heard that before, though he'd never been able to confirm it himself. 

  
“Correction. He looks like me. I'm older.” Beyond said, a laugh in his voice that was an echo of the man he once was. 

  
L rolled his eyes. “You're older by a minute. It hardly counts.” 

  
“You’re twins,” the realization struck Light like a slap to the face. Why had L not told him? Did he have more siblings? 

  
“Ah, yes, we are. But my dearest brother is so ashamed of me that he'd rather pretend he was an only child.” 

  
“That's not true and you know it.” L snapped, nearly turning around. 

  
Beyond shrugged. “Why are you here? What's with the Moon God dude? How do you even say your name?”

  
“What? How do you-" Light was dizzy with shock. How many more surprises would there be?

  
“He can see it,” L interjected, trying to calm Light. “Apparently everyone’s names and death dates float above their heads.”

  
“Note the red eyes,” Beyond said, dragging his lower eyelid down with one finger. “They're special.”

  
“That's creepy. My name is pronounced Light.”

  
“Gay,” Beyond said, bored. “So what? You just decided to pay me a visit out of the blue? Make amends with your dear brother?”

  
“You could say that,” L said, turning to face his brother but not daring to look at his face. “You've grown thin.”

  
“I'm trying to watch my figure.”

  
“Then I guess you won't want the homemade jam and cookies we brought.”

  
“Wait. What? Really?” Beyond couldn't contain his excitement. 

  
Light handed the box he'd been holding to a security guard. The guard took it and placed it in the special window, sliding it closed on his side before it could be opened on Beyond’s side. Beyond practically raced to open it, a huge smile lighting up his face that reminded Light of L as he tore into the gift. 

  
It was comforting to listen to Beyond happily snacking, and L took Light's hand as he prepared to try and talk his brother into helping them. “Beyond, I'm going to dismiss the guards so we can talk privately, okay?”

  
“Sure,” Beyond mumbled, mouth full.

  
The guards left without fuss, and any security camera’s were disabled. If L wanted privacy, he got it. There were few people in the world with more power than him. “We would like your help with something.”

  
“Go on,” Beyond said as he licked his fingers.

  
“Light and I have this idea. We want to give people a more peaceful death who otherwise would die horribly. We just need some help since I don't know when they'll die, just how.” L explained. “Light, being Kira, has special killing abilities, and can dictate how and when people will die from a distance. We just need your eyes to help us with timing.”

  
“Hold up. You can't just gloss over the Light being Kira part.”

  
“Yes I can.”

  
“Oh my God you're in love with him,” Beyond hadn't noticed them hold hands or the looks they gave each other until that moment. “How does that work? Do you fuck in the dark?”

  
Light angrily balled his fists and opened his mouth to speak, but L stopped him. “I can see him.”

  
“Oh shit, L. Really? You don't see his death?” Beyond was genuinely surprised, and honestly happy that his brother had found someone. 

  
“No. He's the only one. I don't know why.” L admitted, though he wondered if it was in part or fully due to Light being Kira. 

  
Beyond was intrigued because even though he saw Light's name, he couldn't see his death date. Perhaps whatever power made him Kira was screwing with his death. “Interesting,” Beyond said. He looked his brother over, noticing that he did indeed seem happier than ever before. Less broken, perhaps. “Well, what's in it for me if I help you?”

  
“You get out of this cell, have more freedoms, though limited, and get to enjoy more jam and cookies,” L said. “Oh, and you get to help kill people again.”

  
“I did rather enjoy that,” Beyond mused as he finished off the last of his snack. “Alright, I'll do it. What kind of loving older brother would I be if I didn't help you out?”

  
L rolled his eyes, “Normal, probably.”


	7. Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light plan their future together. Beyond its keeping a secret.

The moment the chains fell from Beyond's wrists and the door to his cell opened, he felt so overwhelmed that all he did was stare at his sore wrists as he rubbed them. L approached slowly, stopping short of Beyond by mere inches. Overcome with emotion, the brother’s hugged, choked sobs muffled by each other's shoulders. Light watched on as decades of trauma passed between them and was replaced by love and forgiveness. After all they’d been through, they still loved each other. 

  
They dried their eyes and walked out of Beyond’s cell shoulder to shoulder, leaning into each other as they walked and talked. Light followed behind at a slight distance, wondering what it might be like if that were he and Sayu. Hell, it nearly was he and Sayu. Except, had he not changed course, he may have simply faced execution instead of life in a padded cell. 

  
Beyond was to be under strict house arrest while he was with L and Light, and any violation of that would land him right back in his cell. Luckily, he'd be stuck in the Kira HQ with access to all 24 floors. It would be difficult to run out of things to do. There was a game room, gym, sauna, Olympic sized pool, garden, movie theater, and restaurant.   
They had decided to run their operation, which they'd dubbed “Project Mercy", from the building simply for convenience sake. It had everything they needed, and the original task force had cleared out by now. Besides, Watari was there waiting for them. 

  
The old man smiled brightly and welcomed Beyond back into the fold as though he'd never gone on a serial killing spree and instead had simply been gone on a long holiday. Watari had a full meal prepared for them, bedrooms stocked with clothing and bathrooms all with necessary toiletries. The hired help carried everyone's luggage up the elevator and placed it in the appropriate rooms. All the three travelers had to do was eat and rest. 

  
“Thank you, Watari,” L said with an appreciative nod before following Light to their room. Beyond watched them go, determined to catch up with the old man over a glass or two of scotch. 

  
Once alone, the two lovers shed their clothing and neither could decide if they were too drained to be intimate tonight. Light didn't even want to touch himself. “Can we just cuddle?”

  
L burst out laughing, the question somehow endearingly hilarious to him. Not wanting to risk offending Light, L calmed himself and sighed, “I'm sorry, I don't know why I laughed. The way you asked was just so fantastic. Yes, to answer your question. That sounds rather nice.”

  
Light went from almost hurt to understanding L's amusement. Surely part of it was due to having such an emotionally draining day. Whatever the cause, it ended with L wrapped comfortably in his arms beneath the down comforter of a large and luxurious bed. They kissed, a tired, simple I love you, before eyes closed and heavy heads rested upon plush pillows. 

  
The morning would bring with it some spontaneous frotting beneath the covers. Light had crawled his way across L’s body, kissing and nipping at his skin until their erections met. His belly helped to press their straining penises together as his hips thrust forward and back. 

  
“Mmmm,” L hummed as his mouth reached for Light's. If he could greet every morning like this, he might become a morning person. 

  
Light's tongue traced L’s sharp jaw until he found L’s ear lobe to nip. There was no rush, no dead line. Light had no reason to be frantic, so he moved his hands slowly across porcelain skin, teasing every sensitive place he could find. It was all the pleasure he needed just having L shiver apart beneath him.

  
Having lived his entire life with closed eyes or having to look away from everyone, L rather enjoyed watching Light carry on. He loved the way Light's whole body seemed to worship him, how his fingers had mapped out the landscape of his body so perfectly. _He's too stunning for this world. No wonder he aspired to be a God. He is one._

  
“Light,” L whispered, straining to utter the name through his pleasured gasps.

  
Light kissed those come hither lips, “Yes?”

  
“Marry me,” L said, pleading eyes filled with endless love as he locked gazes with Light. 

  
“Are you serious?”

  
It wasn't the answer L was looking for. “Just fucking say yes!” He shouted, his orgasm crashing through him at the same time. 

  
Light laughed as he watched L fall apart entirely. He was only a few more thrusts away from the edge of glory himself. “Yes,” he finally said, smiling into the final kiss before careening over that glorious edge. 

  
It would be lunch time when they decided to tell Beyond and Watari of their plans. “We don't want to wait,” L explained over sandwiches and lemonade. “We would like to do this as soon as possible. Light will inform his family and we will simply do it at the court house and skip all the pageantry.”

  
Watari nodded, glad to see his adoptive son do at least one normal thing in his otherwise very abnormal life. Marriage wasn't something he'd ever thought L would have, and he wondered if L had other desires, like having a family. Light seemed to him to be the type who’d wasn't to be a father one day.

  
“Congrats!” Beyond announced, excited. “We should celebrate!” 

  
“I suppose you want to plan a bachelor party for us?” L asked. 

  
“Yes!” Beyond hadn't had this much fun in years. He couldn't wait. Yet, despite his enthusiasm, he wondered if he had a responsibility to inform Light of one glaring, horrible truth. A truth he’d never shared with anyone before. The fact was that Beyond and L had promised each other long ago to never reveal to the other what they knew about their death. L would never tell Beyond how he would die, and Beyond would never tell L when. The problem with that was the older they got, the closer to death they became. And even though Beyond couldn't see his own numbers, he saw L’s with glaring accuracy. And his brother didn't have much longer to live. 


	8. Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beyond has a decision to make

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting into the heavy stuff now. Oof

“Watari?” Beyond asked quietly as he opened the door, looking much like the small child Watari once knew and loved. 

  
“Yes, son?” Watari beckoned Beyond enter, removing his reading glasses and setting the book he was reading upon his lap.

  
Seemingly sheepish, Beyond twirled his thumbs together as he walked into the old man's study. Even though the young man had been looking healthier and happier lately, it was clear he carried a tremendous burden. “I need some advice.”

  
“Alright. Have a seat and tell me what's on your mind.”

  
Beyond took a seat and stared at his hands. “It’s L. He's not got long to live. I promised him I'd never tell him, but I wonder if Light should know.”

  
“I see,” Watari said, thoughtful. “I think a good way to answer your question is to switch places with Light. Would you want to know if you were him?”

  
Beyond thought for a moment before replying, “I really don't know. Part of me wants to say yes, that it would help to make the most of the time we had left. The other part of me thinks it would be a burden to know. It would add stress and sour the blissful ignorance and happiness of being in love.”

  
Watari considered Beyond’s words. “Young Mr. Yagami likes to be in control. Would a man like him feel more or less in control with this knowledge?”

  
“I'm not sure.” Beyond curled his hands into fists. “And if I do decide to tell him, when is a good time? Now? After they're married? The day before he's supposed to die? And would Light hate me for not telling him after the fact? Watari, just tell me what to do!”

  
“I can't, my boy,” Watari consoled, “This is your decision to make. You are the one with the gift, and it’s up to your discretion to decide how to use it. I know that no matter what happens, you'll make the right choice.”

  
Beyond nodded, not feeling any better about his situation. He thanked the old man and stepped out of the room, no closer to a decision than he was before. He mulled the many outcomes of his decision in his mind over and over until he was sick of thinking about it. That was about the time he saw Light stomping his way down the hall, red faced and scowling. “You alright, man?” Beyond asked. 

  
“Your brother is the single most inconsiderate shithead I have ever met!” Light declared with a huff.

  
“Oh, well, I mean he didn't think twice about locking up his own brother so…” Beyond could see after he spoke how his words were not helpful. “I'm sure whatever happened between you guys will resolve soon. I doubt he meant-"

  
“Oh, he meant it. He's not sorry in the slightest and I'm going to drink, shoot guns, and drink more. Do you want to join me?”

  
“Hell yeah!” Beyond could use a break from his troubles and there wasn't much better than booze and guns. 

  
The two of them made their way to the indoor range after popping by the “vault" and grabbing a few handles of liquor. They drank it straight without chasers, the burning in their throats and stomach almost soothing as it went down. They chatted about murder and being on the run from the police, laughing about some of L’s more peculiar quirks. 

  
“I love the shit out of that annoying bastard,” Light said as he swayed while cocking his gun. “Even if he makes me angry.”

  
“He loves you too. I can see it. He's never been like this before,” Beyond said with a small smile. “Be good to him, Light, he's not got long-" _fuck_! Beyond tried to catch himself, but Light shot him a look that could kill. 

  
“He's dying, isn't he?” Light asked, the life draining from his face. 

  
“This isn't how I wanted to tell you. Actually, I'm not sure I was even going to tell you. Fuck, man. I'm so sorry.” 

  
“No, I'm glad you told me,” Light said as he sat on the bench and lowered his gun. “Fuck. Does he know?”

  
Beyond shook his head. 

  
“How long?”

  
“Not long.” Beyond said. “He'll see his 25th birthday, but he won't see Christmas. I'm sorry.”

  
“God dammit,” Light's fist hit the wall as his red eyes betrayed him with tears he couldn't control. Beyond held him as he sobbed. They were two murderers who only ever wanted one person in the world to live. Perhaps this was pittance.

  
They sobered up and decided not to shoot after all. Light wanted the rest of the day and night alone with L. They had much to discuss, it seemed. The air felt thick, everything surreal as he pushed open the door to their shared room. They're was L on the bed, looking confused as he looked up from where he sat. Light's face must’ve given him away. “We need to talk.”

  
“Are you leaving me?”

  
“No. The opposite, actually. You're leaving me,” Light said, his breath feeling like it had been stolen from his mouth. His tears wet his already red face, and he knew L understood. 

  
“Oh,” L’s face dropped, but his gaze stayed stuck on Light's. “I see.”


	9. Marry Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light and L tie the knot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're obviously approaching the inevitable, but we have a few chapters yet to go. Not all of it will be sad!

The next few days were spent with Light and L confining themselves to their bedroom. Watari sent Beyond up to their room to leave food and take away the old trays. He was respectful of their space, figuring they were as okay as they were going to be given the circumstances. At least they were eating. 

  
As far as Light and L were concerned, time stood still. They'd both shut off their phones and computers and got lost in loving each other. The first day was spent sobbing and consoling one another, weaving in and out of denial. The second day was anger, fights turning into passionate makeup sex. By the third day, they were both verging on acceptance. 

  
“You don't have to marry me anymore, you know,” L said as he laid naked across his pillow, facing the ceiling. “There's no future with me.”

  
“Shut the fuck up. We’re getting married and I'm taking your name,” Light demanded, rolling onto his stomach and draping an arm over L’s chest. 

  
L smiled, a soft giggle escaping his lips. “You just want my fortune.”

  
“Yes,” Light said before kissing those lying lips. “I had this planned all along. It's not like I wanted to grow old with you or have children with you.”

  
“Wait.” L propped himself up a bit on his elbow to get a better look at Light. “You want kids?”

  
Light shrugged. “Eventually.”

  
L laid flat again and resumed staring at the ceiling. “Well fuck.” He wouldn't be able to give Light any of the things he wanted. L’s life was a dead end. “You'll find someone else. Someone better. Someone who can give you a better life.”

  
“Do you hear yourself? Who else is going to know my deepest, darkest secrets and still love me like you do? Who am I going to find that's as brilliant as you are?” Light asked, eyes pleading for L to understand. 

  
“You deserve so much more than the heart ache I’m bound to bring you.”

  
“I don't deserve even half the love you've given me.” Light stroked L’s face and kissed his lips. “I know I'm going to spend the rest of my life missing you, aching for you. I'm going to wake up everyday and reach for you, forgetting that you're not there. I know I will. But there will never be a moment where I regret this, L. Never.”

  
L was silent as Light thumbed away the tears from his cheeks. With a deep breath, L closed his eyes for just a moment. “I want it to be you. Write my name. Please.”

  
Light wasn't surprised by the ask. It gave them both more control in the end. “What do you want me to write?”

  
“L dies quietly and pain free in the arms of his lover. Can you put that?”

  
Light nodded, unable to speak for fear of breaking down all over again. L pulled Light down on top of him, pressing their bodies together as hard as he could. They'd make love again and again, seeking more each time, desperate to find a way to stop the aching in their souls. 

  
By day four they were ready to face reality. The Yagami family had arrived the day before but was respecting the two men's privacy. Light immediately broke down in his mother's arms, devolving back into the child whose scraped knees she kissed better.

  
L watched the moment with fascination, realizing he'd be inheriting a mother through marriage. Something he'd never really had, he'd gain in the months preceding his death. Having her for a short time was better than never at all. 

  
Sayu hugged him sweetly, and he realized she'd grown into a woman since he saw her last. Souichiro shook his hand, and Sachiko kissed his cheek. The love from Light's family permeated the room and he knew they'd make sure Light was okay after he was gone. 

  
Beyond couldn't go with them to the courthouse, so he stayed behind as Watari drove the boys. The Yagami’s followed in their car, L and Light full of nervous anticipation in the back of Watari's black luxury car. 

  
They exchanged simple silver bands and Sachiko took pictures. It wasn't a big to do for them. Sure, they'd celebrate back at HQ with gifts and cake and champagne. The real joy was in spending what time they had left together, however. 

  
On the ride home, Light couldn't stop admiring their new wedding bands. “I'm Light Lawliet. _Light Lawliet_. I like that. I can't wait to sign my new name. Or give it to someone when they ask. _Lawliet_.”

  
“You make it sound so fancy,” L said with a laugh in his smile as he watched Light become so enamored with being married. 

  
Light turned shimmering eyes to L. “You're my husband. I'm your husband. This is so exciting!”

  
At this point L was indeed laughing out loud, his new husband both adorable and amusing. He loved the way Light's freckles seemed to stand out whenever he blushed, like now. L kissed those sweet lips, fingers tangled together, the cold metal a foreign feeling on his finger but not at all unpleasant. 

  
There was something to be said for getting to experience things he thought he never would. For that, he owed Light so many lifetimes, and yet he'd fall short in giving him just one. Still, there was much to do. Light would not be completely without him. Not if he got his way. 


	10. Cards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys get started on project mercy

It was time to finally get to work with Project Mercy. Sayu and Beyond had grown close, but she was rejected when she asked to participate in the project. “Look,” she said, adamantly defending her position, “I figured out a long time ago that Light is Kira. Mom and dad still don't know and I won't tell them. But I'm just as clever as the lot of you. I deserve this.”

  
Shocked, L and Light both turned wide eyes to each other. L shrugged, “I'm fine with it.”  
“How? How did you figure it out?” Light asked his sister. 

  
“It wasn't that hard to put together that you were a suspect, Light. And I found hidden cameras in my room. Then you disappeared for months at a time. Plus, I know you think you're not super weird, but you're super weird. It doesn't surprise me that you started killing people. You've always been kind of psycho.”

  
Beyond laughed at how harshly Sayu called out her brother. Light looked completely offended, but L smiled as he pressed a thumb to his bottom lip. “She's got a point, Light. You are kind of psycho. I mean, you get upset if the clothes aren't hanging in descending order from short sleeve to long, separated by color.” L turned to Sayu, “I once put a greenish blue shirt in with the blue shirts and he lost his damn mind over it.”

  
“Oh, I believe it,” Sayu said. “We used to share a bathroom, and I once failed to put the new bars of soap away alphabetically by active ingredient. He had a Conniption!”

  
“Alright guys, that's enough,” Light warned, growing agitated. “I'm just particular. There's nothing wrong with that.”

  
Sayu turned to Light, hands on her hips, “By active ingredient, Light. Who does that? Who?”

  
Beyond was cracking up at this point, and L was silently amused by the sibling rivalry. Light sighed, exasperated, and threw his hands in the air in defeat. “Fine! I'm psycho! Are you happy?”

  
“Only if it means I get to help.”

  
“Fine,” Light sighed, fully irritated. 

  
The four of them crowded into the computer room, Beyond sitting unnecessarily close to Sayu the entire time. Both L and Light noticed and snickered between themselves, wondering if she'd shoot the older man down kindly or harshly. They certainly hadn't anticipated her flirting back with him, and they were glad their monitors hid their gawking.

  
L created lists of people on his computer along with their pictures from those he remembered best. Those he struggled to recall, Sayu went online to look up and confirm. Beyond typed death dates by their names, and Light began writing them down in his Death Note. 

  
By the time evening rolled around, several hundred people would be meeting a kinder fate in the near future thanks to them. Since L could produce lists of people faster than Light could write out a death sentence by hand, L had a list of people in the thousands after just one day of work. He was okay with that, because it would give Light something to occupy his time when he was gone. 

  
The four of them joined the rest of the family for dinner, Beyond still obnoxiously close to Sayu and Sayu seemingly fine with it. She knew who he was, what he was capable of, and she didn't care. She liked his red eyes and charming smile. 

  
She'd sneak into his room well after everyone else was asleep. Nobody had to know about them. They could make love in secret, a passionate love coming alive between them. Not many knew what it was to love a killer. Not many knew the thrill, the fear, the trust it demanded. Nobody would ever know him the way Sayu did. 

  
The days were filled with writing names and nights were filled with passionate love making. The four of them grew closer, though L often felt like he was on the outside looking in. They'd continue on without him soon, and he wondered how well his plan would work. Could he still make Light happy from the grave? Did he still have something to offer? 

  
“I love you,” L whispered into the skin of Light's neck, his arms lazily draped over Light's shoulders. 

  
It had been raining hard that day, and L didn't know what brought him outside onto the roof, but there he was, soaking wet and solitary. Light had found him quickly, some sort of psychic connection between them leading the way. 

  
“What are you doing out here?”

  
L turned his head slightly, a sad smile stretched across his tired face. It didn't take Light any time to find his way across the roof to hold his husband. “I love you too,” Light said as he held the thin, shivering mess of a man in front of him. “Let's get out of the rain.”

  
L agreed, and they stripped from their cold, clinging clothes in the warmth of the building they called home. Light rubbed a towel over L’s hair and dabbed at a few missed drips on his cheek. L pressed their naked bodies together, Light's warmth silencing the chill from earlier. “Make love to me.”

  
Those were four words Light would never refuse. Could never refuse. He took L right there on the hard floor next to the window where the heavy rain beat down on the glass. The only witness was the storm, and it raged on outside, reminiscent of their internal plight together. 

  
“Don't leave me,” Light hadn’t meant to say it. Hadn't meant to beg. The tears escaped him like his breath as he held L beneath him, giving everything he had to L.

  
“I don't want to. I just don't have a choice,” L was conflicted. Of course he didn't want to die, but he'd surrendered to the inevitable already. “I would do anything to stay, Light.”

  
“I know you would. I'm sorry.” Light buried his face in the crook of L’s neck as he sobbed. Of all the cards life could've dealt him, this was the most unfair hand of them all. 


	11. Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L has a request

L stood in the bathroom doorway and awkwardly watched his husband brush his teeth and prepare for bed. After rinsing his mouth, Light turned to L, “What is it?”

  
L looked down at the floor, rubbing his toes together as he stood there trying to think of how to voice his request. “I guess my computer has a virus or something. Watari is getting it fixed. Before it took a shit, however, I got this pop up ad of this happy couple wearing sun glasses on a cruise ship. They had big perfect smiles and tan skin and seemed so happy.”

  
Unsure where L was going with this, Light patiently waited for further explanation, “Okay…”

  
“Anyway, it made me think,” he looked up at Light's endlessly patient, beautiful face and suddenly felt flush. “I feel stupid saying it.”

  
“You can't back track now. I'm curious. What did it make you think of?” Light stepped forward and placed a hand on L’s arm reassuringly. 

  
“We never had a honeymoon. Or a vacation together. We only work and I know that’s because of me. It would be nice to have a break, and I thought we could maybe have a belated honeymoon?” 

  
The notion was adorably sweet. Light had known they'd get married and go straight back to work. It was just how being with L was. Being married to him meant being married to the job. Yet here stood arguably the world's worst workaholic asking to take a vacation with his new husband. 

  
Light leaned in and kissed L,”I would love that. Let's do it.”

  
L leaned into Light's chest, feeling his heart beat as Light wrapped him in a hug. Light kissed the top of his head, then asked, “Where do you want to go?”

  
“Somewhere tropical,” L mumbled into Light’s shirt. “I want to see if I can tan or if I only burn.”

  
Light giggled a bit, pretty convinced L was only capable of burning. He held his husband for a moment longer before releasing him to go finish his nightly routine. “How about Honolulu?” Light suggested. 

  
“Sounds good to me,” L replied as he pulled his shirt overhead and got ready for bed. He looked at the bed before him and its perfect white plush where they'd made love so many nights. The pillow fight they'd gotten in which ended with a busted pillow and feathers all over the room. The time they were trying a new position and L slipped and fell face first on the floor. It was in this bed where they first made love, and it would be in this bed that they last made love. L didn't know when it all would end. He didn't want to know. He wanted to enjoy his life the best he could without feeling like the end was drawing near. 

  
Strong arms wrapped around him from behind and he felt Light kiss his shoulders. “Whatever is bothering you, let it go. Nothing matters anymore but us, okay?”

  
L relished in the embrace, breathing in the clean scent Light's moisturizer left behind. L ached for his husband, for his love. He needed that reassurance that it was all going to be okay in the end. L knew he wasn't the strong one. As stoic as he pretended to be, it was always Light who was the rock they both stood upon. 

  
***

  
Honolulu was everything they thought it would be and more. They rented a little bungalow on a private beach and spent most of their time having sex in every spot they possibly could. In the sand under the moonlight? Check. In the water? Check. On every surface in the bungalow? Double check. 

  
L also found out the hard way that he most certainly burned. “This is fucking miserable,” he complained as he lay face down on the bed. 

  
Light was trying not to laugh and failing miserably. L was so red he nearly looked like a damn lobster. “This will help,” Light said as he gently rubbed aloe gel all over L. “Turn over so I can get the front, “ Light instructed. L did so and Light burst into laughter all over again. “How the fuck did you get sunburn on your dick? L, who does that?”

  
If looks could kill, L would be striking Light dead in that moment. He hadn't intended on sunburning his dick. It just happened! He kept staring daggers into Light as Light giggled his way through applying the gel to L’s body. Light figured the only reason L didn't murder him was because it hurt to move. 

  
The pain subsided for the most part after a couple days and the happy couple enjoyed the sites. L bought plenty of sun block and a large brimmed hat. He didn't care if it looked ridiculous, he wasn't going to get burned again. 

  
After a fun but tiring day of shopping, the guys cuddled together in bed. They were too tired for anything more than making out and whispering quiet romances in each other's ears. Light stroked his fingers through dark hair as he carefully studied his husband’s face. He imagined L growing old, with wrinkles on his skin and grey in his hair. It would've been a beautiful thing, growing old together. 


	12. Nothing At All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our lovers say goodbye

Light wouldn't tell L when he wrote down his name or the exact details of his death. All L knew was that the time had come. He could feel it in his bones. L wondered if the peace falling over him was from something Light had written or if it was part of dying. He'd never know. 

  
“Aren't you curious to see yourself?” Light asked as he held his husband beneath the covers of their bed. 

  
“No. I feel no need to experience the inevitable twice,” L said as his fingers traced circles across Light's chest. 

  
Light thought that was fair, but it left him questioning what L might've seen. If L saw himself dying peacefully in Light's arms, could they have changed that? By not writing his name, could L potentially have lived longer? Were they creating a self fulfilling prophecy? Light would never know. 

  
“Thank you for loving me,” L whispered as he searched his husband’s beautiful eyes. 

  
“It's been the biggest honor of my life,” Light whispered. 

  
L hummed and closed his eyes. “I feel sleepy,” he said tiredly, weakly. 

  
“Then sleep, L. I'll be here when you wake up,” Light said sweetly, trying not to break down. 

  
“Promise?”

  
“I promise,” Light said, knowing L would never wake up. He held L closer to him, sobbing into black hair when he felt L take his final breath. He didn't want it to be true. He didn't want it to happen yet. Why couldn't they have had more time? Just a little more time. “I love you, L. I'll always love you.” 

  
Light kissed his husband's forehead one last time. Breathed him in one last time. Then, with the last bit of strength he had in him, Light let him go. He knew he'd never love another the way that he loved L. The man had ruined him so perfectly. The destruction was beautiful, the pain a symphony, and Light would never be the same. 

  
***

  
L’s last wishes were not to have a funeral. He didn't want all that. He wanted his ashes scattered at home in England, so that's where Light took them. Watari put him and his family up at Wammy's house. Light got to see where L grew up. Got to climb his favorite tree, visit his childhood bedroom.   
It was starting to snow lightly over the garden as Light walked the frozen path. Watari met him outside, envelope in hand.

“For you, sir. L had instructed me to give it to you when I felt you could handle it. I'm hoping my judgment is true.”

  
“Thank you, Watari,” Light said as he accepted the letter. 

  
It was hand written in L’s nearly indecipherable scrawl, and Light shook his head as he read the letter. 

  
_Light,_

  
_Since soon I'll no longer be around to drive you mad, I thought I would take it upon myself to ensure I'm still a part of your future. Your sister has agreed to be our surrogate, and I've left many viable samples with the fertility clinic, whose information Watari has. I want you to raise our children, Light, when you're ready. I'm so sorry I can't be there to help you through the hard times. All I know for certain is that your family loves you dearly, so lean on them. Watari and Beyond love you too, don't forget that._

  
_I also don't ever want you to question whether you made the right choice. I know you did. You see, I lied when I told you I've never seen my reflection. How could I truly have gone 25 years and never accidentally caught a glimpse of it? The truth is, Light, that I was always going to die in your arms. I've known that since I was a child. My own death was the only one that never haunted me. No, it was always so peaceful and full of love. In my loneliest moments I would experience it just to feel your love, Light. Knowing my life was going to end so beautifully gave me the strength to keep living when all hope seemed lost._

  
_You are the reason I lived, Light, not the reason I died. I love you so much, and I know I'll miss you from wherever it is I'll be. I can only hope that we'll be reunited one day._

  
_All my love, L_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do we want an epilogue?


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final thoughts

Light would be wrong about one thing. The love he had for their daughter would certainly rival the love he'd held for L. There wasn't much he wouldn't do for their dark haired, bright eyed beauty. There wasn't much he didn't do. What she wanted, she got. That giant teddy bear in the store? He bought it. A pony like the one she rode at the fair? Done. A puppy? Why the hell not?

  
“Light, you need therapy. You can't just keep spoiling her like you do,” Sayu complained as she watched her brother slave all day in the kitchen baking the perfect 4 tier birthday cake. 

  
“You're probably right Sayu but I can't help myself. I know if L were alive he’d spoil her too. He'd want her to have everything he didn't,” Light explained as he rolled the base cake in turquoise fondant. 

  
Sayu simply rolled her eyes and put on oven mitts to pull the last cake from the oven. “This smells delicious. Strawberry?”

  
“Yeah, every other layer is chocolate.”

  
“She really is her father's daughter,” Sayu remarked.

  
Light smiled because she most certainly was. She was brilliant like him, excelling in all her classes and on a path to becoming the next L. _You would be so proud of her. She's smarter than both of us, you know._

  
“Dad! I'm home!” A young voice called out as the front door closed. 

  
“We’re in the kitchen!” Light called. 

  
A book bag could be heard hitting the floor as soft steps were taken toward the kitchen. “Dad! It's beautiful!” She couldn't believe what a masterpiece her cake already was. 4 tiers of round and Square alternating layers with colorful stripes and polka dots had been her request. Her father certainly delivered. 

  
“Thank you sweetie. How was school?”

  
“Fun, actually. We're learning all about forensic psychology.”

  
Light nodded in approval as he decorated the cake tower before him. Watari and Roger had done an excellent job creating a curriculum that kept brilliant children like her engaged. 

  
The young girl hugged Sayu, “Hi aunt Sayu. Are the kids coming over?”

  
“Yes. Your uncle should be here with the tribe any moment now,” Sayu said as she continued helping Light. “Your party dress is on your bed.”

  
“Great! Thank you!” She turned to run to her room when her father called to her. 

  
“Lila Elizabeth Lawliet! Where is my hug and kiss?” Light stood with his hands out, acting as though he couldn't believe she nearly snubbed him. 

  
“Sorry dad,” she feigned sheepishness as she wrapped him in a hug and planted a big kiss on his cheek. “I love you.”

  
“Love you too, L- Bear,” he said. 

  
Light watched as she danced off to her room to try on her new party dress. Sayu felt moved by the love in his eyes for that little girl. She had saved him in so many ways. After L died, Light had fallen into a darkness Sayu didn't think he'd recover from. It was all he could do to get out of bed. He wouldn't eat. Wouldn't leave his bedroom, much less the house. She and Beyond had to drag him out of bed and force him to shower. 

  
_“This isn't what he wanted for you,” she'd told him. “He wanted you to live Light. He wanted you to raise his children, to be happy. He would be so disappointed if he saw you now.”_

  
_Beyond wondered if her harsh words were too much for the poor guy. No, Beyond wasn’t married, but he loved his brother. He missed him too. Light looked like absolute shit. He was disheveled and in serious need of a shower and shave. It looked like he’d lost weight too._

  
_Light stood and gave Sayu an angry look, but dropped it when he saw the compassion on her face. She was saying these things out of love, and she was right. L never wanted this for him. “Okay,” he mumbled._

  
_Baby steps. He'd shower today. Get a hair cut tomorrow. Eat better the next day. Take a walk in the sun. Eventually he was staying up all day and being productive. He and Beyond and Sayu started their little project back up again. On difficult days when Light couldn't handle life, he'd breathe and take a step back and remind himself that it would be okay. He would be okay._

  
_Surrogacy would be a good challenge for them all to face together. The first attempt didn't take. The second ended in miscarriage. Months later, Sayu was pregnant again and Light felt like he was holding his breath. It wasn't until she was showing that he really believed it was happening. Then, when he heard the heart beat and learned they were having a girl, he practically lost his mind._

  
_“Your name is Lila,” he whispered to the tiny, wrinkly pink baby swaddled and sleeping in his arms. Light knew there was no going back. This little baby changed everything._

  
“Hey ho! I'm here with the crew!” Beyond's voice boomed from the other room, the scurry of tiny feet across the floor and into the kitchen like thunder booming inside the house. 

  
“We’re in the kitchen!” Sayu called, and in an instant her happy family emerged from around the corner. Her goofy husband carried their youngest on his shoulders.

William was all thick, crazy dark hair and pale skin. The twins had pretty auburn hair and dark eyes. They fought like crazy. Their oldest had straight black hair, violet eyes, and a violent streak. She was as stunning as she was dangerous, taking after her father in a murderous way. 

  
Beyond kissed his wife, placing a hand over her flat stomach. “How are you feeling today?”

  
“Better, baby.”

  
Light stopped what he was doing, slack jawed. “Y'all need to get neutered.”

  
Sayu laughed, “Don't tell mom and dad. It's still early, but we decided to have one more before B over here got the snip.”

  
Light cringed, “My condolences.”

  
“Hey, I'm not mad about it. Change enough dirty diapers and you start to question your life choices.”

  
Sayu gave him a look that feigned annoyance while Light nodded in agreement. One baby had been quite enough for him. Even with the help of his family it had been difficult. He couldn't imagine having as many as his sister and brother in law. Maybe if L were here to help it would be different. He pushed the thought away. L wasn't there to help and there was no sense in wishing he was. 

  
When Lila emerged back into the kitchen, she donned the most stunning little turquoise dress that shimmered with hand stitched beading and shimmering tulle. She wore a little tiara and twirled for her family. “You look like a real princess, L- Bear!” Light said, delighted.

  
“Stunning,” Beyond said. 

  
“Reminds me of a mermaid,” Sayu complimented, knowing mermaids were Lila's favorite. 

  
“She really looks more like him everyday,” Beyond remarked quietly, not intending to say anything out loud. Not realizing he did. 

  
“Agreed,” Light said, eyes shining with love for L and all he'd given Light. 

  
The kids all rushed Lila and told her how pretty she was, wishing her a happy birthday and complimenting her dress. Lila twirled for them, giggling happily. Her life was so perfect, so sheltered and protected. In her heart she knew something was missing, however. She could see it in her father's eyes. The man she looked like, the man she never knew, he should be here, she thought. It wasn't right that all she had of him was a picture on her nightstand and stories from her father. It wasn't fair at all. 

  
One day very soon, Lila would become the next L. She'd make her father proud and wear her title with honor. Violet, Beyond and Sayu's oldest daughter, would give her a run for her money. She wouldn't mind, however. Violet’s brand of vigilante justice was reminiscent of Kira, only better. She only killed those who committed truly heinous crimes and somehow walked free. Repeat offenders who just couldn't be caught. 

  
That's why Lila never did arrest her, and at family holiday dinners they danced around their rivalry. Violet would joke that if Lila was sick a great L, why hadn't she found the new Kira yet? Lila would laugh her off and say she just liked the chase. Lila knew that even though they were considered cousins, they were actually half sisters, and she couldn’t bring herself to harming family. It would tear everyone apart and she didn’t want that. She already had to grow up without one of her parents. She didn't want to lose a sibling too.

***

“You'd be proud of her,” Light said to the photograph on his nightstand. His back ached and he didn't hear as well as he used to. The wrinkles on his face and grey in his hair had long ago stopped being charming. “She's better than you, you know. Better than Near. Better than all of us. I wish you could've met her.”

  
Light wished for many things but tonight he mostly just wished to sleep. He'd been so tired lately, so unmotivated. It wasn't like him at all. In the sixty or so years since L had passed, Light never loved another. He couldn’t. 

  
As he climbed into bed and laid down, he felt warmer than usual, more comfortable. “L?” He asked the darkness, thinking himself senile. Nobody was there. Silly old man. He closed his eyes.

  
_“I love you, Light.”_

  
Warm arms wrapped around Light and held him close. He could feel a familiar warmth, and breathed in a familiar scent from long ago. “Is it really you?” Tears dotted his pillow, and Light reached out in the darkness.

  
 _“I have been waiting for you to be ready,” L said_.

  
Light smiled as his fingers tangled in messy dark hair. “It’s you. It's really you. Oh God.” He couldn’t see L, but he could feel him, and he held onto his head as he surged his mouth forward, finding the kiss met by equal fervor from L. “I love you. I love you so much, L.”

  
Slowly Light realized they weren't in the bed anymore. It wasn't dark anymore, and he could see L’s face. It was just as beautiful and perfect as he remembered. He smiled and kissed L again and again, his fingers tracing the sharp edges of his face. Light knew he wasn’t alive anymore. He knew he was going away, his soul entwining with L’s forever as they danced across the universe.


End file.
